“My Husband Self-Deported So He Could Be Free”
As ICE raids intensify, a New Jersey woman’s heartbreak spotlights a growing wave of mixed-status couples choosing exile over the trauma of detention.
WASHINGTON — Julie Moreno came home alone.
The U.S. citizen from New Jersey landed at Newark Airport this week after accompanying her husband, Nef, across the border to Mexico — a journey that marked the end of their shared life under the same roof, and the beginning of a long separation neither of them wanted but both felt was the only way to live free from fear.
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“As a citizen, I was living under constant threat by my own government,” Moreno said in a statement. “I no longer feel free in my own country.”
For nearly a decade, Julie and Nef have been one of the estimated 1.2 million mixed-status couples living in the United States — families where one partner is a citizen and the other lacks legal status. Contrary to popular belief, marriage to an American does not guarantee a path to a green card. In many cases, it locks couples in bureaucratic purgatory where the only options are endless fear or separation.
Moreno says her husband’s decision to “self-deport” was not about giving up. It was about reclaiming control.
“My husband self-deported last week so that he could be free of the threats and house arrest,” she wrote in a letter titled ‘My Why.’ “We will sacrifice our time together now so we can live with dignity and have the future we envision for ourselves.”
“My Why”
In her letter, Moreno traces the story back to Nef’s childhood — to his father’s death, the poverty that followed, and the impossible decision to leave behind his mother and younger siblings in search of a better life.
“His story is a reflection of his character,” she wrote. “I’m proud of him. I admire the strength it took to leave home at a young age, all the blood, sweat, and tears shed to find his place in this country on his own.”
Over time, his story became her story. The injustice he lived through, she said, became the reason she fights for the American Families United Act (H.R. 2366) — a bipartisan bill that would allow U.S. citizens to sponsor their undocumented spouses without forcing them to leave the country and risk a ten-year ban.
“I refuse to accept the demonization of my loved ones,” she said. “We see a focus on the law, looking at it in black and white, right versus wrong — but the law is not inherently a measure of moral value.”
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Families “Choosing to Leave”
Ashley De Azevedo, executive director of American Families United, said Moreno’s case is not an isolated one. The group represents thousands of families facing similar decisions under a system that offers no mercy.
“Many of our members are forced to consider family separation like Julie and Nef,” Deazevedo said. “Some are choosing to leave the country with their spouses and live abroad. We’ve never seen anything like this in the history of our organization.”
In interviews with Migrant Insider, AFU members described a quiet but growing exodus of families leaving the U.S. voluntarily to avoid the trauma of armed raids, ankle monitors, and indefinite detention.
Moreno, now home but without her husband, says the choice feels both righteous and cruel.
“I know we made the right decision,” she said. “But in my gut, I also feel really angry. I love this country, but I don’t recognize it anymore.”
“We Will Not Stop”
For Moreno and others in American Families United, the fight continues — not just to reunite their own families, but to push Congress toward a moral awakening.
“American Families United represents mixed-status families that have an endless amount of love for their spouses and families,” Moreno said. “We will not stop until our families receive the dignity they deserve.”
For now, that dignity comes at a devastating cost — a life lived in two countries, bound by a border that neither love nor citizenship can cross.
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My spouse and I have moved to Spain for this very reason. Easily the hardest move we’ve both ever made
Why not apply for citizenship? My husband is now a citizen, the process is really not that hard. Given you don't have a criminal record and have been paying taxes etc.